Why are Highly Sexed People Blessed?

      SOL Magazine Issue # 5 Fall 2009.

      by Regina B. Jensen, PhD,   

The infamous “Mystery of Sex Transmutation” chapter in Napoleon Hill's classic book Think and Grow Rich has startled many an eager reader intent on garnering the promised abundance. Certainly most of Hill’s laws of abundance make perfect sense, and promptly we vow to study and apply them. Yet surely old Nappy didn't mean to bring our sex lives into the equation. Could our spontaneous natural animal urges and deep spiritual needs to connect and find orgasmic pleasure with loved ones have anything to do with abundance? What might that successful, globally admired Napoleon Hill really have meant?

Exactly how could the stress of monthly bills be related to our sexual habits? And even if Hill was correct in suggesting that tempering sexual energy increases abundance, what are we to do with all our splendid erotic energies and our need for intimacy?

In his classic book, Hill explains that sexual magnetism is the key to personal success - - when correctly harnessed. Intriguingly, modern neuroscience is beginning to reveal how sex might indeed impact our internal abundance programming, either positively or negatively, by its influence on our inner balance.

In a personal conversation with Christian Opitz, a German researcher in the neurosciences, he pointed out that the addictive qualities of orgasmic sex are secondary only to cocaine. "Orgasm can set up an addictive cycle."

Hill recognized this phenomenon decades ago:

Every intelligent person knows that stimulation in excess, through alcoholic drink and narcotics, is a form of intemperance which destroys the vital organs of the body, including the brain. Not every person knows, however, that over-indulgence in sex expression may become a habit as destructive and as detrimental to creative effort as narcotics or liquor.

The addictive potential of sex is due to dopamine, the neurochemical that drives the reward center of the brain’s ancient limbic system. Our genes employ dopamine to urge us to pursue sex - especially with novel partners - because these behaviors once increased our genetic success and diversity. Today, these same subconscious impulses can push married couples toward discontent. They can also drive lonely men to exhaust themselves “fertilizing” imaginary partners while watching two-dimensional but ever-novel videos in a futile search for satisfaction.

While the sap rises as we pursue climax, we feel empowered and invincible - which explains why sex seems like a sure road to manifesting anything we like. Indeed, Dutch scientist Gert Holstege reported that scans of men climaxing resemble those of people shooting heroin. However, when arousal stimulates the brain so intensely, dopamine levels immediately drop down…and bounce around for a surprisingly long time. During this post-orgasm part of the cycle, we may experience subtle waves of anxiety, depletion, irritability, neediness or “needing space.” Some people even experience depression. In short, the natural neurochemical fluctuations of the full orgasm cycle can color how we see the world - without our making the connection.

To ease the lows, many of us do just what our genes intend and seek more stimulation - including more orgasms - and the cycle continues. Sadly, our familiar lover may look increasingly less appealing, while novel possibilities look more attractive. Scientists call the phenomenon of sexual satiety increasing habituation to a familiar partner - while novelty registers as especially rewarding - the “Coolidge Effect.” It happens in all mammals. That’s what makes the idea of “an affair” feel so enticing to people unaware of this effect. When unconscious, this kind of “acting out” has been at the root of countless divorces and has destroyed millions of families.

But back to abundance, or better, its lack: Hill was right when he observed that recurring sensations of dissipation and craving from an overly active sex life can undercut our ability to "think ourselves rich." This may be why Hill, who believed that highly sexed people were blessed, also recommended conserving sexual energy:

No man can avail himself of the forces of his creative imagination while dissipating them. Man is the only creature on earth which violates Nature's purpose in this connection. Every other animal responds to the call of sex only in "season". Man's inclination is to declare "open season."… The lives of many reflect a continued dissipation of energies, which could have been more profitably turned into better channels. Their finer and more powerful emotions are sown wildly to the four winds.

The practice of conserving sexual energy has apparently been used for millennia, going by many names through the ages. These include: Daoist dual cultivation, le jazer (cortezia), amplexus reservatus, tantra (in its more relaxed variations), transorgasmic sex, and so forth. To taste the benefits, both partners emphasize daily bonding behaviors (such as skin-to-skin contact, gentle stroking, spooning, and occasional gentle intercourse) and sidestep orgasm for three weeks. (See details in Marnia Robinson’s new book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow.)

Intriguingly, Canadian research (“The recipe for great sex: orgasm optional, research finds”) recently confirmed that "great sex" is generally not focused on orgasm. The head researcher also noted that, "There is plenty of evidence that most people believe that the secret to sexual fulfillment is technical, that it's about better manual and oral stimulation techniques." However, the study showed that "You could have terrible sex with orgasms and despite orgasms, but you could have optimal sexuality without orgasm."

How could this be? Robinson suspects that gentle intercourse without orgasm yields benefits because it sidesteps hidden neurochemical fallout (and resulting subconscious feelings of lack). When lovers make love gently and only rarely "finish," they seldom grow bored with each other. (They avoid the Coolidge Effect.) They also sidestep the potentially risky tendency that Hill observed: attempting to cure all post-orgasmic fallout (flatness, heightened frustration, neediness) with more and more orgasm.

Marriage counselors sometimes recommend that couples seeking to reconcile begin by refraining from conventional sex, but engage in affectionate touch or even non-goal-oriented intercourse. Perhaps bonding techniques of this type restore positive feelings because they prevent subcon- scious mixed messages. Says Robinson:

"Feelings of attachment/attraction come from regular loving intimacy, but feelings of satiety/aversion can easily arise during the days after orgasm. When we project these conflicting signals onto a mate, we may feel like we're falling in, and out, of love in a bewildering way. In effect, we're delivering mixed signals at a level below the conscious mind."

Here’s what one bold husband said about the practice of Karezza (daily affection and occasional gentle lovemaking without orgasm):

The thought of removing foreplay/orgasm etc. is mind-boggling. Your mind fights it. 'It will be boring. What will we do in bed?' Once you try it though, at least for me, there is no going back. Not achieving satiety is truly wonderful. Of course, satiety can never be reached via conventional sex either, but that lack of satiety always seems to result in a lustful feeling of wanting more.... This is different. It is heavenly, for lack of a better word. I am satisfied, but I am not. I do not feel the sense of urgency I usually feel when I am not satisfied. I feel complete somehow, at peace, and best of all, in love.... My wife and I are really bonding again.

Author of The Karezza Method J. William Lloyd wrote that Karezza produces a sense of “sweet satisfaction, fullness of realization, peace, [and] often a physical glow and mental glamour that lasts for days, as if some ethereal stimulant, or rather nutriment, had been received.”

In successful Karezza the sex-organs become quiet, satisfied, demagnetized, as perfectly as by the orgasm, while the rest of the body of each partner glows with a wonderful vigor and conscious joy…tending to irradiate the whole being with romantic love; and always with an after-feeling of health purity and wellbeing. We are most happy and good-humored as after a full meal.

If this sounds like the ideal mindset for manifesting abundance, you understand Hill’s wisdom. Feelings of contentment from close companionship magnetize abundance. Unfortunately, subconscious feelings of lack during the recovery cycle after frequent orgasmic sex also show up in our lives. Even conscientious positive thoughts may not convince the limbic brain that everything is rosy when it strongly feels otherwise.

But what if you’re single? You can still make the most of your sexual desire to increase your inner balance. Even in ancient China, observers recorded physical and emotional benefits from cultivating sexual energy rather than fighting to repress it or pursuing it to the limit of desire. (The Art of the Bedchamber by Douglas Wile, PhD.) Try the following technique and see what you notice. Warning: You'll have to pass up some orgasms to experiment - gasp!! This is purely an energetic experiment, not a moral proscription. Return to your current habits later to compare results.

The experiment is simple: avoid orgasm for at least three weeks as you observe yourself. When you feel sexual frustration building, close your eyes, tighten the muscles in your genitals and imagine the sexual feelings, or tension, rising up your spine like a thermometer to the top of your head. Feel tingles? Whether or not you do, imagine a waterfall of energy flowing down the front of yourself, and allow it to pool just below your navel.(The shepherd's crook in Christian paintings is a symbol of this dynamic flow.) Do this as often as necessary to relieve your sexual tension. Finally, turn your attention to something productive.

Here's what a woman in her twenties observed:

I viewed this experiment strictly as an opportunity to explore the channeling of sexual energy. I didn't "put a cap on" my sexuality. I allowed myself to experience pleasure and arousal, without trying to go anywhere with it. Dancing, singing, laughing, and jogging all helped. The only thing I tried very hard to avoid was focusing on longings of any type. I did engage in a little self-pleasuring, which, it turned out, was as satisfying as trying to get myself off.

I noticed very little difficulty after the second week. As of tomorrow, it will have been a month since my last orgasm, and my level of sexual frustration is lower than before I began.

We think of energy as a good thing, but our first reaction to having a lot of concentrated energy (sexually, physically, emotionally, etc.) is often to try to get rid of it as quickly as possible ("catharsis"). I now want to flow with high-energy states, instead of trying to escape them. [Note: That was two years ago. She was soon in relationship and is engaged to be married.]

The woman above was emotionally stable to begin with. Other explorers with more serious mood swings such as substance abuse, porn addiction, severe low self-esteem due to childhood trauma etc., noticed even more dramatic improvement in their emotional health, especially over longer periods of the practice (even with occasional climaxes).

Women who don’t orgasm easily may be at an advantage, as long as they don’t raise their frustration levels by trying to climax. They may be interested to know that while Kinsey insisted that more orgasms for women would enhance domestic bliss, his women subjects who reported the most orgasms more often either failed to marry or divorced. (Judson Landis, "The Women Kinsey Studied," in Himelhoch and Fava, eds., Sexual Behavior in American Society: 112.) Moreover, when a group of women tracked their orgasms over thirty days, and then viewed pictures of men they didn't know, who ranked the men the most unattractive and aggressive? Those who had climaxed most, especially via masturbation. The researchers noted that another study associated depression in women with masturbation (although they could not say why).

If you undertake the experiment described above, set aside all preconceptions. Simply, record how you feel for three weeks. (Expect ups and downs the first two). Continue to observe yourself for two weeks after you return to your previous habits, too. What do you notice about your sexual energy and your inner equilibrium?

Orgasm itself feels great. However, a longer, generally unacknowledged, neurochemical cycle follows the initial high. This sets our emotional tone and colors our perceptions for as long as two weeks. Could this hidden biological “hangover” contribute to humanity’s habitual short-term thinking, reckless use of diminishing natural resources, and other symptoms of chronic scarcity thinking?

A balanced limbic system produces subconscious feelings of wholeness, plenty and contentment. (Think of Tibetan monks.) These feelings show up as calmness, generosity, and mental clarity. What would happen if the world’s sexy folks harnessed their enormous energy and creativity to manifest increased peace of mind, contentment and abundance? Perhaps that is the experiment Napoleon Hill hoped to see when he sought to enrich his readers, along with the assurance that "highly sexed" people - most common among very successful folks - had so much more energy available for creative expression as long they contained it wisely. ~ ~ ~

   Copyright © Regina B. Jensen, Ph.D., 2009  All rights reserved

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